Die Alone

January 1990

Male

Tall skinny

Emetophobic

I’m a terrible person and I hate myself.

Alone alone alone alone alone alone alone

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Every living creature on earth dies alone.

~Donnie Darko

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We’ll all die alone someday, 
I hope we don’t die alone.
And our vices make it bearable enough, 
To know our lives are shit, but to not give a fuck.
They make it bearable enough to help us on our way.
But still it feels nice to feel alive.
To try to find a home or someplace to thrive.
It feels great to be alive except for all those times we feel dead.

And how do we maintain our buoyancy in this
Salty lake of shit and tears and murder and disease?
How do we keep ourselves afloat in all this sad stuff?

I’ve gotta know the answers I’ve gotta know it now.
And I need to know the answers I have to know how.

We’ll all die alone someday, I hope we don’t die alone.

~Andrew Jackson Jihad

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I can only hope that the answers will come to me in my sleep. I hope that when the world comes to an end, I can breathe a sigh of release, because there will be so much to look forward to.

~Donnie Darko

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Torture

I die each night so that I can sleep.

But my stubborn heart pumps
in the middle of the night
and I awake in terror.

My heart races.

The aqueduct behind my eyes freely flows
and my body trembles as a whisper leaves my larynx
and my lips suddenly taste of honeysuckle—
your name: summoning my blood and 
taking it all away,
slowly
slowly
slowly.
I force my eyes to stay shut
but I see you behind my eyelids,
I see you true and beautiful,
so I chase you with my eyes.
I chase you with closed eyes.
I chase you to a memory that never happened
where we lie together under a Banyan tree
and the leaves in the wind sing your name.

You close my eyes.
You lull me to sleep.
You disappear.

The tree grow roots inside me
and they are like your fingers,
gentle,
but they hold me firmly to the ground
and every morning it shakes me awake
and sings your name
knowing that I will miss you.

~Decembrist.tumblr

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I won’t die alone and be left there.
Well I guess I’ll just go home,
Oh God knows where.
Because death is just so full and man so small.
Well I’m scared of what’s behind and what’s before.

~Mumford and Sons

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Let our burdens be locked in the stone
If you will help me roll it upward
I won’t let you die alone
~La Dispute